The Hoaxwagon, Smokeswagon, that's my Volkswagen!

Purchasing my Jetta about three years ago has been a lot like biting into a caramel covered apple, only to discover a caramel covered onion with no refund policy. I thought it would be convenient, practical, and affordable… not the case at all! It is a total hassle, expensive as all get out, and a total nuisance. I think it is fair to say I bought a hoax.

The Infamous Tennis Ball…

The first month I owned it, both headlights went out at the same time while driving down West Lake Sammamish Parkway. Terrifying? Yes. I immediately went to the dealership and they agreed to replace the headlights free of charge since I had just bought it. I got a phone call the next day explaining it would cost $900..

They proceded to tell me that one of my headlights was loose, and since I had jammed a tennis ball in there to keep the entire headlight from falling out, all of the wiring melted when the tennis ball burned up from the electrical current. Since the headlight burnout was deemed negligent on my part, they were holding me responsible for the cost… My response was, “Are you joking me? You think I jammed a Tennis Ball into my engine to keep my car from falling apart?””

After “discussing” the situation for an hour, the manager agreed to pay for all of the damage done to my car. They fixed the wiring and replaced the headlights… Ironically, I recently found out that the brightness of my lights are illegal. Awesome! People flash their lights at me constantly. When I actually turn on my high beams, I think the brightness is comparable to a police helicopter or a Search & Rescue Chopper… not really, but they are so bright. Darkness turns to daylight with those beams.

The Tow Truck & the Tree…

One day, I attempted to start my Jetta, but no such luck. After multiple attempts at jumping it, I realized I needed to call a tow truck. AAA recommended a company that promptly came out with a giant flatbed truck. A little over the top in my opinion, but I figured at least it would be safer….The man hoisted my car up onto the truck and secured it. For some unknown reason, he decided to drive the truck up the driveway, which was a fairly steep incline, and “parked it.” I walked up to the driver side door to fill out the paperwork and he hopped out.

As I was signing my “Herbie Hancock”, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the tow truck start to roll down the hill with my car on it. I yelled and the man tried to run and open the door but he had locked himself out. In a panic, he leaped through the window, and tried to hit the break with his hand. The truck began to pick up speed and apparently, he couldn’t reach the break. The tow truck picked up even more speed, barely missed another car, and crashed straight into a tree… with my car on it!

Between the weight and speed of the truck, the force of the impact created a hard collision. A few big branches fell out of the tree landing on my windshield, hood, and roof of my car. I stood there in disbelief, and all I could mumble was, “You gotta be joking me!” The man’s legs were still dangling out the window and I wondered how bad the collision must have hurt in such a position.

He eventually started moving and slowly got out of the truck. I froze in disbelief with Instant Replay running on a continuous loop through my mind. He got out and just stared at me. I had no idea what to say. His first instinct was to walk over and check the tree, not my car. “Do you think the tree is going to be alright,” were the first words I heard. I still could not speak and just stood there in shock and disbelief.

He eventually hopped in the truck and drove away. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to make a police report or what. I decided calling my insurance agent would be the best bet. The woman asked what happened and I couldn’t believe what I was saying. “My car was on a tow truck and it crashed into a tree!”

Ironically, the dealership called the next day and said my car started when they put the key in. They couldn’t find anything relating to why it wouldn’t start, but because I got it towed, it now had body damage.  One of the branches put a big paint chip in the roof of my car, which is still there today. They denied all of it, and I didn’t want to spend the money and hassle of taking them to court. (Long frustrating story)

The Broken Key

It was Christmas Vacation and I was returning to Texas, and my sister flew back with me for a visit. Upon, arriving to the Park N’ Fly in Dallas, I pulled out my keys and panic began. I had my automatic key, but no key attached. The actual “key” broke off the alarm key. I could lock and unlock my car, I just couldn’t drive it. I looked everywhere. No luck! Keep in mind, it was also snowing. It never snows in Texas. Stacy and I were freezing.

We rented a car for an arm and a leg and I reluctantly called AAA. I was still a little shell shocked from my previous Tow Truck experience. The man finally showed up and we had it towed to the Volkswagen Dealership in Dallas. The fact that the dealership’s address was “Lemmon Avenue” was more than fitting. My car is a lemon!

Replacing my key should have been done in about a day, but for some reason they kept giving me excuses of why it wasn’t fixed. Tired of reasons, my sister, a friend, and I unexpectedly showed up to check on the status. The man explained they discovered additional problems to my car and were fixing them. He told me I had a cracked oil pan, damage to the bottom of my car and the door was dented. He said it was going to cost me about $1400… “You gotta be joking me!”

I demanded to see my car, and just by the looks of it, you could tell my car somehow fell off the tow truck. I was again in shock and disbelief and just stood there and stared. Unbelievable! It took a few days and a few “discussions” but the tow truck reluctantly finally agreed to pay for the damage. I still had to pay a whopping $400 for the key though. What in the world?!

Smokeswagon!

There is no denying that Texas is incredibly hot. However, my summer became even hotter when my AC went out. My jetta literally turned into an oven on wheels. I took it to the dealership, and they said it was going to be $1300. Stubborn and skeptical, I decided not to fix it because it was about to be winter and I figured I could get it fixed elsewhere for cheaper.

Unfortunately, very few Texans know how to work on foreign cars so it is equally expensive. Being a grad student, I refuse to pay $1300 for a fan. Now I feel like an ant under a magnifying glass driving down I-35. People are like, just roll down the windows… Okay, rolling down the windows in Texas heat and humidity is like aiming a hair dryer right at my face. Trust me, it doesn’t help!

Soon after taking my car to the dealership, my coolant light came on. Hmmm?!? Could it be a side effect of smashing into a tree while on a tow truck. The fact that it fell off a toe truck? Maybe the handy tennis ball failed to do its job? I don't know... I took it to a different place, and they said I had a very small coolant leak and to keep an eye on it. If I didn’t, my engine could start smoking and overheat. 

So now, every time I fill up for gas, I have to fill up on coolant so the Volkswagen doesn’t become the Smokeswagon. I think it is eventually inevitable.

That’s my Volkswagen…